went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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