hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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