What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
