Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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