hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
