I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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