Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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