just tell him i said nine months
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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