So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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