By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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