guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
