Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
