He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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