yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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