she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
