you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my being single is dangerous.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
