You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The power of my boobs compel you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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