At least make sure they are 18
Why
I want to have your abortion
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
