i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
