We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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