They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
