im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
