shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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