My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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