we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
