oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
