In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
