I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Are my feet made of real feet?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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