So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
