Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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