If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
