So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
