Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to sanitize my soul.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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