guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
