why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
