i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
