he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
