Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
