the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
