im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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