They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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