I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
