I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
