My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
