I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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