If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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