if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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