I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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