Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
