Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
