I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
