i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i've created a new STD.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
