he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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