the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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