Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
